Over the years, I’ve had the incredible honor of being depicted by countless artists. Some are friends and some are fans. I’ve compiled dozens and dozens of works of art. I’ve always wanted to celebrate the artists and their work but wasn’t sure how I could do it in a meaningful way. With this cover story for Spirit and Flesh, I had the epiphany of using these portraits in lieu of the usual PR photos since the magazine is heavily art based. Also, with the subject of the interview being mental health, it’ also befitting to acknowledge how far I’ve come. These portraits help me do that. It’s sometimes so surreal when I think about how this little brown gay boy from the wrong side of the tracks ended up being so inspired and inspiring to others. For that, I’ll be eternally grateful.
Title image above: BARRY JAZZ FINNEGAN 48” x 36” charcoal on paper.
Barry did this large size piece in 3 hours live at an event I was hosting. Barry is best known for his photo-realistic portraits of Jack Nicholson, Anthony Hopkins, Robert DeNiro and Tupac Shakur just to name a few. He is represented by the prestigious Copper House Gallery.
RALPH CERVI
Cover image.
Ralph painted this portrait specifically for this cover story.
LESLEY B: The subject of a person’s mental health is a topic that’s not easy for many people to talk about, yet it is important to be open and honest when one is having problems. Why do you think it’s difficult for people to talk about it?
Mike Ruiz: There is a myriad of reasons people don’t talk about mental illness. Fear, shame, denial are a few. People have always viewed it as a sign of weakness. For me, I’ve always felt that if I spoke about my feelings of depression or anxiety that people would perceive me differently. And sure enough, they did! Also, I think a vast amount of people don’t even realize they have a form of mental illness. I didn’t understand what my depression was for 2 years after my mom died.
HILLARY MANCE 30” x 40” multimedia on canvas.
Hilary used my actual hair clippings for the brows and facial scruff.
LB: Can you tell us more about your own story?
MR: Personally, I’ve struggled with deep depression a few times in my life. It always followed a crushing loss. The 1st time was when my mom died in 1998. The grief I experienced was debilitating. In my mind, she was the only person capable of loving me unconditionally. My self-esteem was in the toilet for most of my life up until then. She was the one person that made me feel worthy. When she died, what little self-worth I had died along with her. I was in a fog for months. I had lost interest in everything including photography. After about a year, I began to have bad anxiety in the middle of the night. I’d wake up in a panic thinking that my life was pointless. This happened like clockwork every single night for a year. I had gained weight from being so sedentary, I had lost several of my clients from my poor attitude and my relationship at the time began to crumble until someone told me that I might benefit from antidepressants. When I suffered the next huge loss when my ex-partner Martin and my beloved dog Oliver died in the same year, depression took hold. I credit my husband Wayne for helping me through. Him and my trusty Celexa.
LB: We all get through the phases of stress, pain, grief and anxiety, we all deal with challenges, it’s not necessarily clinical all the time. How do you take care of your mental health? What’s important for you to stay at peace and joy?
MR: What keeps me above water is being productive. I have to be creating or helping or working out. Physical activity is the most readily available mental boost for me so I work out non stop.
KIM GOODWIN 18” x 12” pencil on rag board.
Kim and I were roommates. We began our careers together. He was a makeup artist. He was so brilliant that his career skyrocketed leaving me in the dust. He’d worked with every major A-list actor from Liz Taylor to Charlize Theron. Kim did this illustration in 7 hours while he was high. He also had a Marilyn Monroe obsession and had an extensive and rare memorabilia collection. He passed away from heart failure in 2019.
LB: First let us start with the question of 2020: How are you coping/managing with the current state of the world (COVID)? How are you maintaining your mental well being?
MR: I’ve been handling it pretty well all things considered. I’ve stuck to a daily routine that gives me structure and I’ve been figuring out new ways of socializing and conducting business. That coupled with my daily 2.5 hour workouts have kept me sane. With the state of the world and specifically this country, I’ve also found purpose. I’ve been very active at supporting and advocating for most of the social issues affecting us all. That really helps me feel like I’m actually doing something and not just complaining. It’s so empowering and prevents me from feeling victimized.
LB: With people being so isolated during the pandemic, what changes have you noticed.
MR: The thing that I’ve noticed the most is the spike in the discourse on social media. People have few outlets to express their feelings these days so they turn to social media in hopes of finding comfort. It seems that social media is a double-edged sword though. For every bit of comforting support, there is an abundance of misunderstanding which seems to manifest as aggression. Everyone’s stress and frustration is at an all time high. Personally, I figured out pretty quickly that social media is NOT a safe place to be vulnerable. I’ve had a few friends of mine spiral into desperation before my eyes. Many people are having a difficult time processing these unfamiliar times that we are in. For me, I know that I now need to be very selective with whom I allow myself to be vulnerable with.
TAMAS HAIZER & RICK DAY motion graphic.
Rick Day had photographed me for the cover of OUT magazine earlier this year. I’ve been collaborating with Tamas on various editorial projects over the past 2 years. I asked him if he would work on an image of me. He sent me this amazing time-lapse.
LB: Is there anything you have been doing in order to not get stir crazy? Are you enjoying the seclusion? What are you missing the most?
MR: I made the decision to leave New York City in 2013 for rural New Jersey. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m pretty isolated in a very serene environment with a lot of space. Honestly, I’ve really enjoyed the peace and quiet. I miss traveling the most. The first thing I’m going to do when this is over is spin the globe and fly to wherever my finger lands.
LB: Many people are taking this time to re-evaluate their lives and what truly matters to them. Have you been doing that?
MR: I have definitely done a lot of re-evaluating, not so much by choice though. I have a brother with whom I was always so incredibly close. We had constant and uproarious fun together. He was my best friend in many ways. About 10 years ago, we became estranged. Neither one of us can really remember what caused it. His now ex-wife blindsided me recently with the news that he has ALS. There is something about that kind of news that wipes away animosity and even the memory of it. All I can think about is the regret of missing a decade of having my best friend be a part of my life and me be a part of his. We’ve since spoken and it seemed as if no time had passed. I didn’t realize the weight of what I was carrying around all of these years until it was lifted in the blink of an eye.
The subject of mental health is starting to seem less taboo as more and more celebrities are opening up and seeking treatment. It is so important that we remove the stigma.
Lack of understanding and education is the root of all discourse. So many things are stigmatized that shouldn’t be.
MICHAEL BREYETTE 26” x 20″ pastel on rag board.
Michael is best known for his homo-erotica. It was such an honor to have him do the portrait of me.
LB: During these times, reality tv has become a companion for many stuck at home. You have been a part of some reality tv projects. What kind of effect do you feel it has on the mental health of viewers?
MR: If we are talking about reality TV specifically, I think that it should be consumed as entertainment and not as a handbook on life. If you can view it that way, I think it could be a great distraction. I’ve been binge-watching everything on Netflix, Amazon, HBO and Showtime. It keeps me stimulated and entertained.
LB: You definitely have a voice of activism regarding issues like animal advocacy, LGBTQIA rights and black lives matter. What about the time we are in is making these issues so prominent now? What has the response been like from your followers/supporters regarding your activism?
MR: With everyone being quarantined and feeling helpless, witnessing the downfall of our nation without perspective is making people snap. Watching a man being murdered on live TV is the straw that jolted us out of complacency. I’ve always been vocal about a myriad of injustices but the pandemic, financial collapse and the horrific social injustices being perpetrated have emboldened me to be louder than ever.
I’m just one person with a bunch of social media followers and some connections at magazines. I am willing to use every single one of the resources I have to effectuate change on whatever scale I can. I’m also hoping to inspire others to do the same. I’m dumbfounded at how many people with a much bigger platform than mine are not putting it to good use. This is wartime and we all need to fight. That might sound aggressive to some but the end goal is to achieve harmony so that we can love without judgment.
MICHAEL BROWN 8” x 12” pencil on rag board.
Michael has done several portraits of me, Martin, Wayne and Oliver. Hopefully, he will do one of Julia soon!
MICHAEL MEJIA digital art.
Michael is an incredible body painter and all-around artist. We’ve collaborated on dozens of incredible body art projects.
OLAN 52” x 40” acrylic on canvas.
Olan was ubiquitous in Chelsea, NYC. His art was hanging everywhere. He had painted every celeb of the day back in the ‘90s and early 2000s Olan went on to become a very successful character actor. He passed away earlier this year from Covid-19 leaving his amazing mom, Eslye Moore to continue his legacy.
LB: What is in your toolbox in order to keep your mental well being in check?
MR: Celexa, my antidepressant of choice.
LB: Do you have any experiences with alternative/holistic medicines that have been helpful to you on your journey?
MR: I have not as of yet. I want to explore everything that might help me open my mind so that I can see things in a different light. I think my life experience has created a filter that I see everything through and I want to make sure that it isn’t holding me back. I don’t think I can achieve this without creating some new neural pathways.
LB: What is next for Mike Ruiz? How will you integrate all that has come forward during this pandemic into your work and your personal life?
MR: I suspect my life (and life in general) will never be the same again after all of this. I’m counting on the fact that we all implement every new skill we’ve learned during this shift in humanity. We now have the understanding that we CAN reduce our carbon footprint and we CAN achieve social justice and we CAN do a million other things that we thought were impossible. I’m hoping that what is next for me is the peace of mind knowing that I did everything I set out to do.
PAUL RICHMOND 36” x 36” oil on canvas.
Paul had originally included me in series he was doing called the “CHEESECAKE BOYS”.
ROBERT RICHARDS 26” x 20” pencil on rag board.
Robert Richards was a legendary fashion illustrator with whom I collaborated on some photo/illustration projects. He passed last year at the age of 78.
JOSHUA PETKER 8” x 10” acrylic on wood.
My beloved agent Zizi Zarkadas got me this amazing portrait for Christmas 8 years ago.
MANFRED PAAR 39” x 32” acrylic on canvas.
Manfred had asked me if he could do a painting of me and of course, I agreed immediately. His work is amazing! Little did I know he would ship me the original.
MIGUEL ANGEL REYES
Miguel is one of my oldest friends. He’s sketched, drawn and painted me dozens of times. He is a prolific Mexican American illustrator, erotic artist, documentarian and muralist. In 1995, he completed a 750-foot mural, one of the largest mural projects in Los Angeles at the time. Miguel and I have collaborated on body art projects together. He transferred his unique style to the human body.
TWITCH.ing 11” x 14” Digital Collage.
After seeing this collage of me, I enlisted Twitch (AKA Luis) to collaborate with me on some upcoming projects.
